Image courtesy of Chris Luckhardt – a brother the Internet helped me find. Thank you my sweet friend. Check out his stunning (and often-stolen) work at ChrisLuckhardt.com

In a heartbeat, a love song can describe so perfectly the most bittersweet loss, take you back to an instant, that excruciating, desperately precious agony. And still be your favorite song.

The messaging was intense before we met, and he begged me to let him take me to Atlantic City over the weekend, but I was scared of this stranger on the internet who wanted me to go away with him, somewhere no one knew I would be. Now I wish I’d gone — maybe things would have turned out differently.

Not that I expect to ever see him again, that part is almost certain, but there is a rosy, romantic, heart-string sort of attachment to this man that I needed to celebrate, and maybe somehow release. I hope I can someday release it.

 

6/16/15, 8:07 AM

I woke up an hour late, got on the wrong train twice. finally at conference two hours late, but many people also late, so NBD

Conference at 8? That’s early

started at 7am with a “networking breakfast”

this presenter is talking about stuff I already know – it’ll be hard not to fall asleep

Omg that’s wayyyy to early.

yeah I’m like NO

this conference is directed toward c-suite ppl

I’ve been doing this for years :S

So much technical stuff. My brain is not responding lol

lol

You’re too smart. I will need to catch up

it’s all for people who know nothing about how emotion influences the customer experience. yawn. I’ve actually done STUDIES in this in grad school

hahahaha well I’m smart in some ways, insanely dumb in others. and I always get food on my clothes and I’m clumsy lol

Sounds like my type of girl LOL

which part?

Remember you could be like a smarter cooler version of me lol

that’s truuuuuuuue

All the parts…probably softer too

Possibly

hahahaha

Shouldn’t u be at least pretending like your listening?

eh. no one here knows me

They’re remember you as the redhead who kept looking at her phone LOL

there’s like 700 people here

yesterday on the shuttle some dude leaned over and said “I have never seen anyone text that fast ever.”

Wow that’s a lot!! Looks like so much fun (yawnnnn)!

tbh if someone calls me to task for not paying attention I can school them on this topic

Lol I kno u can. Smart girls rock!

And u do txt super fast lolz

Try not to fall asleep. Few more hrs to go

BLEEEEEH

so I opened my laptop, going to take notes and see if there are any white papers I can bring back

White papers??

so I can share the conference content

To show your boss you did your job lol

YUP

and maybe skip some of this ish

Yea I bet u can’t wait to bounce outta there

uuuuuugh

Are we still on as scheduled?

oh hell yeah

really looking forward to it

Ok just checking LOL

Me too

Hope u won’t be disappointed

oh no, I’m just here to have fun, honey

I won’t be disappointed at all

I think I need to take a nap first. I went to sleep at 4ish.

I’m an insomniac

Talk to u in a little bit my dear

ok hon – sleep tight!

6/16/15, 11:04 AM

YAWN

How’s the Conference goin?

Lol

I keep trying but failing to find a session that tells me something new

Maybe you should be the one up there speaking

next year!

problem with this place is I’m not c-suite, no one wants to network with me really

What exactly is c-suite?

CEO, CFO, CMO, CCX – executives

I’m “just” a maker, not a manager

That’s why the networking issue. Where the hell is your boss then? Lol

they didn’t think it was worth their time

[photo of lunch]

That looks good. Same some room for Peruvian

[We’d agreed to meet at my favorite Peruvian place near my hotel.]

Will do!!

So they decided to waste some of yours lol

YUP

at least I get a few more (paid!) days in NYC!

Yea it’s not a bad deal

right these are seriously first-world problems

I’ve been meaning to ask u. Can u actually read Chinese?

yessir – I speak Mandarin…

I can only read a few characters, can understand more spoken Chinese

I’m impressed. I really am

*blush*

I was right about u all along. You are smart in general not just book smart

how can you tell? I’m always interested in seeing how others see me

Obviously your credentials and your job shows you’re book smart. But every discussion and interaction we’ve had so far also shows many signs of being street smart.

You blend in well. Your sociable.

awwwwwww ❤️❤ ️❤ ️❤ ️❤ ️

You’re up to date, great sense of humor, and u cuss

LOL

You keep it real. No faking. Not afraid to be your awesome self

thank you for rewarding my fishing for compliments!

I rarely run into ppl like u

too many compliments! lol

Which is why I’m so intrigued

I just said “and shit like that” to my table-mate and she was horrified. I’m actually socially inept!

I was more than willing to take the bait lol

hahahaha you are so good for my ego

Your table mate is too uptight.

right?! oh well lol

Everybody should have a healthy ego

I agree

so what do you wanna do today?

Hmmm I dunno. Let’s just start wit food first I guess

sounds like a plan!

I’m hoping for real good dessert lol

But ill settle for just having good company ☺ ️

that totally depends on you

as far as I’m concerned we could spend the rest of the night in the room lol

Lol ohhh I will be seeing your room for sure. But my main goal is getting to know u no matter what we’re doing.

Whether it be eating, laughing, kissing, fucking LOL.

I’m just trying to really get to kno u and enjoy the moments

same here, baby

Can u promise me something Colleen?

yes?

Whatever we do today and whatever we feel, can we keep it just between the two of us? Today is just you and me.

Oh of course! I don’t kiss and tell

And please don’t forget me

I doubt that will be a problem

That would hurt the most actually. To be forgotten

you’ve made such an impact on me, no way I could forget you!!

I feel exactly the same

Anyways what’s the eta on your escape plan?

so q: why the request to keep it on the DL? just curious

also who would I tell?!

lol I imagine it’s so nothing ruins your chances with The Girl

Coz I’m afraid which direction this might be headed

ooooh which direction scares you?

I’m planning to bail soon – maybe now before it starts raining again

I kno if the feelings get outta control its gonna get messy. Remember I’m putting all cards out.

Realistically speaking I made a connection with her first and even though it’s not that serious between me and her I kno that there is a good chance

ok I understand.

Besides this distance thing is really a deal breaker. Just being honest. I’m a realist like yourself. This distance between us will prob never work unless someone is willing to completely change their life. There’s no way I would want either one of us to to that

That’s totally irrational and unreasonable

I get it, honey

I do

You sooooo get me!! Makes it that much harder

Sighhhh

And we HAVENT EVEN MET YET! LOL

I was just thinking, man, if he thinks I’m understanding NOW

There couldn’t possibly be more can there?!

you can see my whole spirit in my eyes, if you look.

I’ll have to take a good look later

Let’s not lose focus here. Our goal is to have a good time today. Let’s make it happen!!

yes! yes.

what time are you free…?

No complications

I’m free now

✋ I promise

Lol

When will u be available?

imma bail now and go to take a shower at hotel. I’ll ping you when I’m done…?

Yes take your time. I need to get ready and will prob take some time to get to you

I figure 3ish will prob be the quickest I can get to u

yay ok leisurely shower and time to get lost and unlost

lol

Yes enjoy. But you’ll prob be needing more showers later lol

no problem at all!!! none.

I expect to take you for all you’re worth lol

Ok I’ll txt u when I’m near

meet at restaurant or hotel lobby?

Ummm i dunno. Which is easier for u?

either!

I guess restaurant then

Yes?

okie dokie!

Ok see ya in a bit

yes!

ok, cards on the table: I’ve agreed to meet up with someone else later this week while I’m here…that will help me keep from getting too attached. and keep me busy.

That’s fine. I’m glad u did that

I want u to make the best out of your vacation. You deserve it

I feel bad for him, tho, I don’t even really want to see him lol

oh well

maybe he will surprise me

U never kno. At least we can have our time first

I really appreciate the honesty Colleen

It’s easier to say via text than it is in person

It’s ok. There is no commitment here. If you’re happy then I’m fine with it

I’m the devoted type – learning how to be casual for a while.

As am I dear. At this point just do what makes u happy. You’re not hurting anyone

ETA, hon?

About 4

oh ok whew I was hurrying lol

Take your time sweetie

I was looking for gentleman jack at my local liquor stores but neither had it. It’s a bit hard to find

don’t worry about it, babe

hell maybe it’s only in Texas hahaha

I wanted us to have something to drink and swap stories over lol

did you find something else?

No they have it here but it’s uncommon

No what’s your second choice?

regular jack or vodka or soju, pretty much anything but wine works for me

Ohhh u should have said so lol. I thought u only wanted that one.

awwww I’m sorry baby

I just hopped on the train. Will grab something later

yes! yes. I don’t want to wait any more

Soon Hun. I’m a bit nervous now LOL

don’t be. I’ll help you not be nervous.

It’s the anticipation I guess. I already kno you’re easygoing

lmk when you’re close so I can head out

Yes I will

Running a lil late. The trains are not cooperating.

Looks like 20 mins

ok baby – thanks for the update! I’m cozy in bed watching TV until I hear from you xoxoxo

good

6/18/15, 4:13 PM

Be there in approx 5 mins Hun

yay! I’ll head out now

I actually don’t see this place

Where are u now?

uh oh lol

I’m front of the post office

I see the post office

I’m on corner of 8 and 31


When I saw him, I was so nervous and expectant that I hid behind the lamppost. I couldn’t look him in the eye for quite a while. There was chemistry, powerful and overwhelming, just being in his presence.

6/17/15, 10:00 AM

http://stealingsand.com/2013/10/part-1-who-the-hell-is-eason-chan-and-my-long-history-of-c-pop-love/

6/18/15, 9:19 AM
[photo of a souvenir I’d bought for him]

forgot to give this to you. happy birthday!!!

Awwww thank you sweetie!! Do me a favor and hold on to it for me. I’ll be coming for it one day

I will…

6/18/15, 4:13 PM

HappyBDay

Lol thank u! I appreciate the thought. Hope you’re enjoying your time in the big apple

I am.

Good. No negative thoughts ok? Good thoughts only

yep!

also cigarettes are EXPENSIVE here. $5-6 a pack in Dallas

I kno it’s more than double here

mercy

Lol are u still trying to convince me?

hahahaha noooo NEVER

Well it is another reason to put on the list lol

if you come to that conclusion yourself…hahahah

Hahhahaha yes it’s my own free will

are you having a good day?

Going out to dinner now. How was your day?

not bad. shopping and lunch and back at my room

working on property division. such a pain in the ass.

he put every lamp in the house on a spreadsheet.

so that’s what I’m doing tonight! lol

I have the rest of the week to enjoy myself

Oh gosh! Talk about petty and bitter. He shud be the poster boy

soooooo true

I’m like FINE dude, you do you

He seriously needs to grow up

Actually more importantly man up!

right.

Fuck him! He’s not worth your time

the washing machine broke before I left and I asked if he wanted me to call a repairman and we would split the cost. he refused to answer me because in his revisions *I* got the washing machine.

well if I have to pay to repair it… 😛

anyway forget about this stuff, go have dinner, enjoy yourself

Sorry u have to deal with this nonsense. It’ll be over soon. Don’t stress over this petty shit.

I’m still in NY 😀 I’m way better off than his miserable ass

xoxo

Lol You’ve got a good point. Ok enjoy your evening!!

you too sweetheart

6/19/15, 9:21 AM

http://www.nbcnews.com/news/asian-america/twin-adoptees-reunite-twinsters-documentary-debuting-summer-n372941

6/19/15, 11:12 AM

Hi Mia! Can I call u Mia? LOL

of course!

hi baby

That’s an interesting read although I think something similar might have happened before

oh of course

But honestly who the hell would separate identical twins? That’s just wrong!

I knooooow

those girls are so adorable

They are and so glad to see they found each other sooner rather than later

the magic of the Internet, once again ❤ ️

Yes….your one true love and passion lolz

How’s your day going?

gooooood. got up late, walked to MOMA, walking around soaking up inspiration – what are you up to today?

I just woke up. I have a whole bunch of errands to do today. I’m actually playing catch up

ahhhhh, gotcha

My vacation is pretty much over at this point. Almost back to work

poor baby

Watchu gonna do ?

hang out at museums

Good plan

miss you tho

Awwwww

No no no. Can’t say that!

hey, I can miss my friends.

Tbh I feel the same

❤️❤ ️❤ ️❤ ️❤ ️❤ ️❤ ️

it’s nice to know you didn’t forget me already

No way!!! Never ever in my life! That’s a promise!

even if you weren’t the sweetest man I’ve ever met, you’re definitely the best lover

“Even when I’m 60 I’ll recognize you or your grandkids”. Lol

not ███████████████, but your lovingness

心痛

That’s how I roll

Nahhh I just try my best to satisfy the other person

What’s that second character?

hurt

Little pain?

heart pain

Ohhhhh sorry I didn’t even realized that said heart lol

lol it’s ok

Why? Hope u don’t mean that?

it’s a beautiful pain

I embrace it

Wanna kno something?

yes?

It was very very hard turning around and walking away the other day

almost impossible

You’ve really touched me on the inside. You will always have a place in my heart. Not very many I can say that about

I’m crying in the museum gift shop like a fool

No no no. Please don’t. I just really needed u to kno how special you really are

No crying please!

okokokok

Oh sweet sweet █████. You are way too awesome to be wasting time shedding tears or feeling unhappy.

but…I also feel love

You’re already loved Mia!! Trust me on this one

did you know that Mia in Spanish means “mine”

No I didn’t. I just think it sounds nice and suits u well.

Of course I really like█████ also. That’s why I’m using it interchangeably. LOL

I answer to both

Mia I really need to tell u something else.

okay

Me and my date are getting pretty close. I think it’s headed in one direction.

the Girl…?

Please don’t be hurt!

Yes

ok

I think u have the right to kno. I already said I wouldn’t hide anything from u

thank you

and I wish you love…

I wouldn’t go that far now. It’s very very early.

I find myself thinking about u and so many what ifs all the time But then my rational side brings me back to reality

but you two are close…and it’s headed in one direction.

so

Well u kno how I feel about love. I’m very doubtful about it

well either way someone should adore you

Anyways I’m talking way too much again. I’m so sorry

I didn’t mean to make u think so much. It should only be happy thoughts

I adore u. As a kind and lovely person inside and out. I really do!

Let me let u go. You shud be enjoying your museum time.

CarryYourHeart

Omg that is sooo sweet! You’re really pulling at my heart strings.

I feel the same way sweetie. I do

that’s my favorite poem

Where have u been all my life?

I could ask you the same!

Texas and NYC respectively

hahaha yep

If only we could have gotten together somehow years earlier it might’ve saved us a whole lot stress and heartaches

but I wouldn’t know how to love like this

I would have shown u. Or at least tried my best

move to Dallas. or come visit often.

You kno I can’t do that. At least not as of right now

I’m sorry I promised not to do that

I’m sorry I should have let things cool off a bit first before opening my big mouth

no, it’s ok, I’ve been dying to talk to you but I respected the fact that you’re busy

No I should be more sensitive especially when you seem to have a glass heart

ROOSTER HUSBAND + DRAGON WIFE

This marriage will prove to be supportive, productive and of a good balance. The Rooster husband is intellectual and a go-getter. The bright and strongwilled Dragon lady will recognize the good traits in the Rooster and use that to further complement each other’s qualities. The nature of the Dragon will not allow the bossiness of the Rooster to get to her. She will not be discouraged, but instead shrug off anything she finds displeasing about him. In return for the tolerance she displays, the Rooster will find her overall energetic and enthusiastic disposition to be refreshing and attractive. Their respect for one another will be in equilibrium.

just an FYI hahahaha

Holy shit!!

That sounds amazing!!!!

I’M JUST SAYING

Can’t say I’m not tempted lolz

hahahaha

I wouldn’t keep pestering you if I didn’t believe there’s something special here

I can’t deny there is something special here

and so we wait to see what happens. good things come to those who wait, you know

But I have to remain realistic at the same time

That’s right! Nobody knows what the future holds. It’s all about choices

I don’t have to be realistic! I have wayyyyyy too much realism in my life right now lol

Lmaoooo. An escape from reality is what u need.

I thought I gave u that LOL

you certainly did

And you’re still there making the most out of it

yes sir.

MOMA

treating myself

It’s the vibe. Even the coke bottles are cooler LOL

but nameless!

U like the names? I think it’s just a temporary marketing campaign

it’s a brilliant campaign

It is bcoz ppl will be looking to collect their names 50 years later

http://www.adweek.com/news/advertising-branding/coca-colas-share-coke-campaign-grows-sales-first-time-10-years-160433

You are so quick lolz

I’m an expert googler

and modest

lol

Yes modesty is a dominant trait for you LOL

hahahaha

I highlight my strengths so the weaknesses seem insignificant

LOL

Your only weakness is being too kind and soft

but that’s also my strength!

That’s what I was about to say.

“The wind does not break a tree that bends”

Without that I prob wouldn’t feel the same about u

really?

Sooooo philosophical! I love it! Lol

I hated my softness for years. always saw it as a sign of weakness. a source of pain. but now I know better

Being soft is not necessarily a bad thing. But u do have to learn not to let others take advantage of it

true

Your kindness is very very attractive to me

that warms my heart immensely

It’s true. It’s definitely one of your best qualities.

Just don’t let ppl mistaking it for weakness

when they do they find out the hard way lol

Yikes! 😕

🔥🐲

Lol

Hahhaha I have a hard time believing u can do anybody any harm.

I just make them think I will  😁

Lol should I be worried?

nah. you know I literally can’t hurt a fly

I scoop insects up and carry them outside

I’m not surprised 😆

You’re an 😇

😘😘😘😘😘

☺ ️

We should chill on the TDA lolz

MAKE ME lol

Lol

I feel like I’m cheating

fine fine fine

I’m sorry. I’m just trying to prevent any problems or drama

I hate drama!!!!!

God me too

I can tell. That’s why u understand the need to avoid when possible.

Anyways I’m gonna let u go about your day. It’s another beautiful day. Enjoy it Mia my dear

same to you

6/19/15, 2:56 PM

I may have bought too much stuff.

[Photo of bag full of stuff from MOMA gift shop]

6/19/15, 4:58 PM

That doesn’t look so bad. I think lol

Besides how often do u really get to go to MOMA

EXAAAAACTLY

If it makes you happy, then I say shop away. You more than deserve it

THANK YA I agree!

Eason Chan will. be at MSG in December, 3 days after my birthday. I’m COMING BACK.

You’re bday is █████?

██████████

easy to remember

Eason concert is 12/6

Oh I thought u meant his concert was █████

http://www.theateratmsg.com/events/2015/december/eason-chan.html

Only one show on a Sunday. Tickets look pricey. But I’m sure u don’t care lol

full-on don’t care

next paycheck I’m buying my tickets

Go for it! I wanna see u doing what makes u happy

last concert when he came on stage, tears.

before then I was all “I should be more excited…”

Tears….of JOYYYYYY!! Lol

yessssssss

I LOVE YOU 陳奕迅

Lol

I had to do a double take on that one Hhahah

I don’t know your Chinese name yet

It’s a very simple name actually.

really?

Yup. I don’t kno how to type it here though lol

Chinese keyboard!

I can’t turn it on lol

Teach me master!

ok Settings | General | Keyboard | Keyboards and choose Chinese pinyin traditional

oops Add New Keyboard

then choose pinyin traditional

███

I got it!!!

yayyyyyy

███

My name is ██████ in Chinese but backwards

██████ in Mandarin

what’s the Cantonese pronunciation

It literally is means ███ but backward

ah

I would have to sound it out for u. Don’t kno the pinyin

in Cantonese LOL

ok go ahead

██████ Lolzzz

ok I get it

That’s the best I can do. It’s somewhat similar to mandarin

right

The ███ is same as ███ ███

right ███

Google Cantonese word for ███ and then reverse it. That’s my name lol

oh wrong █

anywayzzzzz

I’m glad to know it.

It sounds simple and stupid but I think it was some meaning. Lol

probably!

My uncle named me. Not sure the meaning

You have a Chinese name?

yours is “██████ ███”

Yes yes something like that.

Lol

Thanks for letting me kno the meaning of my own name

I do! 林蔤雅

Lin Miya

lol

you’re welcome, my hero!

I recognize the surname. Not sure about the other two.

Let me google it lol

“elegant honey”

like almost literally

sweet like honey but elegant

Suits u nicely!!

thank you!

I love that pic u have on your blog

which?

my profile one?

The Eason blog

the one of him?

With the glasses

Of u

ohhhhhhhh

It’s beautiful and elegant lol

this one?

[photo]

Yeaa. I was like wowwww! Can’t believe ████████████

I’ll find a higher-res version

 ███ ███ ███ ███ ██████ lmaooo

jinx! that’s what I was going to say!

Lolz. I keep saying great minds think alike

exactly.

I’ll send it to you soon

Ig pics!


[several photos of things I had talked to him about, including my beloved Chicken]

Aren’t u tired yet? Past your bedtime dear

found!

I’m tired but hi!

Lol u sure kno how to make me feel special ☺ ️

you are!

That’s chicken?

yup

my sweet sweet Chicken

my Flickr account has pic from YEARS ago, Flickr.com/stealingsand

1500+ pics

everything lol

You are queen of social media

largely unsorted

I’ve been in the game for about 8 year+

You’re definitely a pro lol

Thank u so much for finding the pic. I really wasn’t expecting it

it wasn’t hard

xoxoxoxo

It the fact u made the effort when u really didn’t have to

always.

❤ ️

❤ ️

You’re wonderful! I wish I could turn back time

you can

pick me

lol

LOL

I know I know

Easier said than done

don’t say it

I can’t not try a little bit

I meant turn it back years.

well yeah

It might have saved both of us a lot of pain.

I would be so good to you

I knooooooo!

God damn it!! Life is not fair!!

so unfair

Lol sorry Its frustrating

it is

everything is a choice.

choose the logical, easy path or choose the uncertain path

All my paths are uncertain. Still very uncertain

I know one thing though

What’s that?

we would both fight to make it work

and it would be worth it

You’re making it so hard for me

I’m sorry

I’ll stop pushing

I just

I

anyway

I’ll stop

nononono don’t

if it’s meant to be a way will become clear

if not,…

just apply for jobs in Dallas lol

LOL

I have to try, ya know

You still have such a great sense of humor.

Even in tough times

Not saying this is tough times lol

it’s a fatalistic sort of black humor

it’s tough for me

Tough for me too. I’ve been smoking like a chimney.

sigh

Went to the gym today first time in almost a week.

Couldn’t lift anything. Mind wasn’t there

awwwwww

wtf!! There’s no good girls around when I m looking.

When I’m not looking I have 2 great girls come along

I put a spell on you ✨

Like really?? It’s too much

also, I’m better hahahaha

The spell is strong

Lmaoooooo

hahaha

#dragonpride

if I gave up easy, I wouldn’t mean it

I did not expect to like u as much as I do

That darn spell!!

Texas voodoo

come to visit me in Dallas, you won’t want to leave

You had me at hiding behind the lamppost

oh……..wow

Magic was released lol

my sweet boy

it was

Your technique!

hahhahaja

I’m a pro

Flawlessly executed lol

thank you thank you

ok go to bed, love

I’ll dream of you

Yes. You too. Sorry I kept u up again

no, I kept YOU up

with my endless attempts at convincing you

Lol

好,晚安愛人

Goodnight and Sweetdreams my dear!

so lonely over here. ahem. lol

you, too!

I know how many kisses fit between your eyes. I measured it.

lol please rest up

ok you too

6/22/15, 8:14 PM

How are u Mia?

I’m fine…how are you…?

Doing well. First day back at work. It’s a war zone lol

oh noes! 18786534680 emails…?

Lol

Everything is a mess!

Are u enjoying your time here?

my boss and coworkers have been texting me all day.

I am…lots of shopping and walking

They’re suffering without u.

I see lots of nice pics

Glad you’re enjoying the city

I am…

miss you

Awwww honestly I have too

I was trying not to txt u

I just wanted to say hi and see how u were doing

hi… ❤ ️

Ok don’t wanna say too much right now. Suppose to

be the cooling off period lol

OHHHHH YEAHHHHHH

Lol yes

Go enjoy your evening sweetie

ok love…you too

☺ ️

I love that you still think of me

I try not to but I can’t help it.

You’ll always have a place in my heart no matter what.

6/23/15, 9:19 AM

I’m off tomorrow…resting today

You’re off as in you’re flying back home?

yup…back to the BS

It’ll get better eventually. If it makes u feel any better

I’m already knee high in BS right now

hahahaha poor boy. well, I’ve decided to just rent a house instead of buying. it’ll get me out faster and help me heal.

soooooo many paperrrrrrrz

There’s more on the side I couldn’t fit into the pic. Looks like a tornado went through. This is typically how I’m welcomed back after a few days off LOL

eeeeesh

looks like you needed that break!

Renting is a lot cheaper?

it’s not, but less hassle. and the housing market is so tight in Dallas. homes sell before they’re listed. my ex hasn’t given me my equity yet so I don’t have a down payment

Wow really?? How am I ever gonna buy a house there? Lol

I have a friend who is an agent, can get me in if I have the cash.

I’d help you out xoxo

You have friends that are everything!! Lol

I’m a very popular person lol

It must say something about the lovely person that u are

awwwwwwww

We’re thinking alike again!

like I said, many connections, so if you want anything in Dallas, I can help you get it.

that seems to be the case most of the time. our signs are very compatible. meant to be lol

There’s really only one thing that interest me in Dallas

you can have that, too, just say the word. I know a girl…

she can get you a sweet deal hahahaha

Lmaoooo!

I was referring to the BBQ

suuuuuuure

But about this girl……

It’s always about a girl or boy!!!

isn’t it though.

did you ever see Good Will Hunting?

Yupp..”how do u like them apples?” Lol

hahahaha

was thinking of the final scene where he went to see about a girl

I forgot the ending…please refresh my memory LOL

Robin Williams told him that he missed the biggest game in baseball to go see about a girl…that he never regretted that choice

In the end, the kid chose to do the same…

I know. I don’t remember the baseball game speech but I remembered he went for the girl.

I love that film

I’ve spent too much of my life doing what other people thought I should

It’s your life. Time to take back the controls and really live it my dear.

What’s your favorite movie of all time? It better not be Korean lol

noooooo

favorite movie is a toss-up between Deep Water and The Internet’s Own Boy

I haven’t seen neither. Will have to put on my list. Are they older?

documentaries

if you “get” those movies, you “get” me 😉

I’m pretty sure I’ll “get” those movies

I am too.

they’re not happy movies but they’re amazing.

I’ll have to check them out. Did u even work on your own documentary?

no…

I should have but I never figured out what to do.

[photo]

bringing back the bottle.

Lol did u finish it?

nah, poured it out.

Yea I figured u didn’t like it too much. Acquired taste

LOL

yeah…bottle is more important

maybe I’ll keep flowers in it

Sentimental value?

very

I’m making my own teeth hurt being this sweet. ugh.

I’m awful.

Lol. Don’t ever change honey! Don’t ever!

I can’t hahaha

I should apologize, actually. I’ve been flirting pretty hard too. I can’t help myself with u

I’m loving every second

don’t apologize! you made my day

I feel bad. Feel like I keep leading u on. That’s wrong

no I know where we stand

it’s good in its own way to be irresistible

I’m glad u acknowledge that. You are worth way more than u give yourself credit for!

as are you, baby

Thank you Hun! Meeting u was one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. I mean it!

you’ve always got someone in your corner. and if you bring The Girl to Dallas I’ll show you both around.

I want you to be happy. I honestly couldn’t do that to you. Dallas is on my travel list. But I would not be bringing any girl with me.

You’ve made me more happy than you know. Those 21 hours together with you were some of the happiest I’ve ever been.

same here. same here. I never imagined I’d meet someone like you. who ██████████ like I like ██████████,

who makes me laugh, who wipes the sweat from my cheeks before kissing me, who ██████████ like I need ██████████. I have goosebumps just thinking about it.

I had to hold back from kissing u coz I wasn’t sure how u would react. But I couldn’t resist anymore lol

I was in heaven

I still think about ███████████████. It’s sooooo wrong

that ███████████████…

hahahaha

I’m not helping am I

Lol you’re not. I don’t need ██████████ at work

yeah yeah

I just ask that u think about me at least once in the future when u get horny LOL

uh I’m going to name my ███████████████

Hhahaha now I feel really really special. Truly an honor

not to be insanely inappropriate but hey – the option is on the table

Yea it might be a bit inappropriate considering I am seeing someone. But then again so is all the other stuff I’ve been saying lolz.

well if you ever happen to not be seeing anyone

Oh if that’s the case u can put ██████████ █████ aside and have the real deal. LOL

that is much preferred

Let me just say this. If ever I am single again, Dallas would be my first destination. I’m going to demand u show me a good time

excellent.

I’m holding u to it

I’d sign a contract

That won’t be necessary. I kno your word is as good as gold

awwwwww

I’d never wish you wouldn’t continue to date someone

but I hope to see you in Dallas…

We never know what the future holds but I kno enough to never say never. I hope to see you on your home turf also

I’m going to be a pain in the ass here…

are you sure her claim is stronger than mine…?

I really don’t kno how to answer that

I kno she makes me happy.

I’m sorry I don’t kno what else to say

ok no problem.

I’m done being a pain in the ass lol

You’re not. Even if you were I’m sure it’s in a charming way lol

hahahaha I thought for a second you meant “you’re not done being a pain in the ass” lmao

Lol

You’re not exploring today?

too tired. resting up for the battles ahead. might go out later but taking my time.

What time is your flight tomorrow?

6:45

Am?

PM

Oh ok lol

You can have time then. No rush

right

Well I hope u have a wonderful day! I really have to get back to work.

Ttyl

ok have a good one

6/24/15, 8:49 AM

Good morning dear! How are u? Last day in the Big Apple

morning hon! I’m getting dressed now, about to check out, get lunch, and go back to the Land Where █████ Doesn’t Live

Lol tons of █████ in Dallas my dear

Are u ready to go home? It’s usually the hardest part after vacation.

I’m in a bitter, driven sort of mood. bitches better stay out of my way.

Ahhh i see. Roger that! LOL

I hope u at least enjoyed most of your time here

I certainly have

Glad to hear that. I just wanna wish u good luck with everything and let u kno you will be missed.

I would have paid good money just to see you again. but it’s dangerous…

and I admire your faithfulness

I can’t be bought with any currency lol. Only kindness and love which are things u have plenty of. It would have been way dangerous coz I prob wouldn’t be able to resist.

same here

I really hope we run into each other again in the future.

But until then, I wish nothing but the best for you!

xoxo same here

I feel like I’m missing an opportunity here and there’s nothing I can do about it. but that’s life.

Please don’t feel that way. Our time spent was incredibly special and will last a lifetime for me (Titanic moment here) lol.

And who knows…maybe you actually dodged a bullet

same for you!

I highly doubt that.

having my last lunch and boba tea in NYC – SO SAD.

I kno how u feel. I get a little depressed at the end of my vacations.

It’s not your last anything silly. You’ll be back.

true. for 陳奕迅!!!

6/24/15, 2:22 PM

Yessss you’ll be seeing him before u kno it.

6/24/15, 4:58 PM

Have a safe flight dear!!

thank you, love.

6/25/15, 10:19 AM

738 unread emails.

*select all unread*

*mark all as read*

all caught up!

Lmaooo! You’re so productive!

I’m magically productive (don’t tell anyone my secrets!!)

How does it feel being back?

like I’m being chased by rabid zombie chickens

whose tailfeathers are on fire

Sounds so exciting! I’m sure you’re delighted to be back lol

I’m like stop drop and roll, guys, this isn’t hard.

No you have to cut off their heads. That’s how u kill zombies

damn, I left my sword at home.

Fire works well on zombies also. Just set the whole damn place on fire. Lol

I really hope the nsa isn’t monitoring my txts

“I believe you have my stapler”

well now that you said NSA…

Oh well… I’m only guilty of wanting companionship.

true true

how’s things?

Horrible. There’s so much work and nobody knows anything

uuuuuugh

Just another day at work

[photo]

go team.

That’s your cubicle?

yup

It looks like so much fun. We can’t put anything on our cubicles. Not even a picture and no music. Stupid damn █████ rules!!

[two panoramas of my excessively-decorrated cube]

it’s a mess

EEESH

even above I have things

some of my stolen sand

Now that is a fun cubicle! Does anybody ever question your love for animals and Asian culture? Lol

they always ask…it’s a nice ice breaker

6/25/15, 1:20 PM

this cube is a MESS though. I seriously need to straighten it up

It looks good to me lol

It’s freedommmm!!

my coworkers love me because I bring Asian candy to work…green tea kitkats and Chinese peanut candies etcetc

Are they Asian or they just like the candy?

two Asian, but I always bring candies Americans would like. no salted plums or orange peels or ginger candy lol

and it’s different and interesting for them

oh and I know you’re busy at work and stuff so I don’t expect you to jump on my messages…I’ll pop in and out, too

Yea sorry my head is about to explode. ██████████ is here █████,. It’s not even my job but somehow like everything else I have to be involved. I work with lots of Incompetent idiots

awwww hon

I’m changing careers!! What was your job title again?

Lol

interaction designer

there’s a huuuuuge market for it in Dallasssss

Or in NYC lolz

But I’m sure Dallas is better

smaller market!

the jobs in NY pay like 75% what they do in Dallas

6/25/15, 1:20 PM

just found this

What is that? A menu?

business card [for the Peruvian place]

that was the best day in NY.

Awwww there’ll be even better days to come.

did I mention one of my favorite singers is named █████, too? https://youtu.be/ljikndpQ7qU

[photo of a doggy i rescued but no longer have]

baby-Emmitt loves his mama. I found out Kona didn’t eat for 3 days while I was gone, and he slept in front of my bedroom door for 4 days. my sweet moose.

My moose.

[photo of Kona]

He looks so sweet and loving. Just like his mama

he is. he gets it from his mama

Then i love him already

omg

that is such a loving statement

I was referring to Kona

Lol

lol i know I know

Kona is a saint among dogs. insanely obedient.

mama’s impossibly strict protector.

he would die for me

He definitely seems that way. Glad he’s in your life.

[many photos of Kona and I]

You deserve him!

he’s my best friend

That’s super sweet! You two are so cute together

he’s such a good boy.

I feel so safe with him.

See you have a lot of positives in your life. Keep your head up and charge forward. Plenty more good things to come

I hope you’re right.

I know I am

what are you up to tonight

Laundry lol

So exciting!

omg me too.

FASCINATING.

Hhahaha just coincidence I’m sure

of course. just coincidence.

for a short amount of time, I have my mama AND my Kona with me.

that’s priceless

6/26/15, 8:28 AM

she’s not dying, but she’s moving far away in the middle of all of this.

I kno u mentioned it. It’s all gonna turn out fine. Don’t worry

but it hurts. and I have to pretend it’s ok. so she doesn’t feel bad.

I kno it’s not easy Hun but you’re pretty tough. It’s gonna be ok

eventually

6/26/15, 8:28 AM

what did we do that day, after dinner? I don’t even remember.

You don’t remember? Not much actually. We listened to each other’s stories lol

I just remember you. I can’t for the life of me remember much else lol

whiskey? something something while you’re holding my hand?

it’s bizarre

I remember AFTER-after of course

Lol are u feeling ok? Maybe the stress is getting to u

I’m exhausted. on the bright side I’ve managed to get a rental house – not buying just yet, I just need a refuge.

I was so focused on you. I get like that sometimes. When I focus, everything else disappears. Helps a lot at work.

Is that like the opposite of A.D.D ?

I think so…it’s especially intense when I’m coding

I think maybe u should stop focusing on me and focus on more important matters. Such as family and work.

lol well those aren’t fun!!

I’ll leave you be…have a great day

Lol it can’t be all fun and games all the time dear

It’s fridayyyyyy! Hope you have a wonderful day also

that stung, but I get why you said it. thank you for helping me refocus.

I’m sorry. I just didn’t want u to lose sight of the really important things in your life. I really didn’t mean to make u feel bad at all

Please don’t be upset.

I’m just afraid I’m pestering you, or that my texts are somehow…unwanted? I guess? I don’t want to bother you

talking to you is a welcome distraction.

You are not pestering me. Believe me your txt are never unwanted.

I don’t want to overstep, you know?

I just don’t want u or anyone else to get the wrong idea. I welcome your txts but I do feel like I keep leading you on, even if it’s unintentional. I would like nothing more than for you to be happy. But I don’t kno how to do that. I’m more worried I might end up hurting u

I just don’t want to lose the connection with you. I’m aware of where we stand, but at this point in time I need affection. and you’re safe because you’re far away.

it doesn’t have to be anything more than friendship but I really need a friend like you.

seriously – I’ve never met someone who knows who Eason is and likes his music! that alone is awesome

I’ll stay away from the affectionate stuff

Lol all Cantonese near my age would/should know Eason

so many American Chinese don’t acknowledge their culture and try to stay away from being “labeled” as Chinese, ya know?

Well those are idiots

I’m not an idiot

true!

You having been too affectionate so no worries. I just don’t want u to miss out on anything that would make u happy because of me.

I won’t.

The friendship between us is here to stay. But there should be balance.

of course. I’m not going to stop looking for Someone but you mean a lot to me.

I need you to kno u mean a lot to me also. You’ve changed my views on life.

how so?

The fact that there is someone out there as special as you that actually likes me for who I am and not what they think or want me to be.

oh wow. that’s completely true.

Like I said before, what kills me is the timing. When I’m looking I find nothing even close. But when I’m not looking this is what happens. I can only go with the logical choices.

Sorry if I’m being a little selfish here

I’m kind of hoping you’ll see the light someday

hahahaha

you’re not selfish, you’re taking care of yourself.

there’s a difference

Believe me I’ve weighed the options over and over again but Dallas is just a little too much to ask for.

I just wanna be happy. Recently I’ve been feeling fairly happy.

that’s all I want for you

I want that for u as well. But I feel like I’m getting in the way. That’s the only reason why I said u should take a step back and not focus so much on me. You deserve so much more than what I can give you right now

I have so much going on in my life right now that I am struggling to keep my head above water. Just the light at the end of the tunnel that someone like you is out there helps. And I’m not actively looking; I want to live on my own for a while, discover who I really am, get back on my feet before I try to commit to anyone. So you can’t be in the way – I’m not looking for happiness from someone else until I can make myself happy.

You will get back on your feet soon and I know you will

stand tall. But you have to believe in yourself!

all that to say – no one is in anyone’s way

Understood

6/27/15, 3:07 PM

have a rental house, movers scheduled, almost done with moving mama out of her house. adulting is hard

6/28/15, 7:06 PM

“Adulting”? Yea I hate it too lol

And sorry for the late reply. I’ve been really busy

Glad u are moving along with things. Looks like you’re really gonna miss your mama.

6/28/15, 10:41 PM

it’s ok I know you’re busy

[photo of a sign mentioning the company he works for]

Is that sign for real?

it’s a joke, I’ll explain later

I was about to say. I kno about new store openings and this was not in the list lol

hahahaha yeah this is a classic part of Old Dallas called Oak Cliff, and it’s very chill and old school. The city is trying to put up a multi-use high-rise complex but that would kill the character of Bishop Arts District

This is not where you’re moving to is it?

noooooo I just like hanging out there

Is it really nice there?

it really is. older houses built in the 40s and 50s with big wraparound porches and carved banisters…

some scummy areas too but mostly classic homes

It’s gotta be nice if its gonna be the future home of your company

And it’s got ny pizza lol

hahahahah

6/29/15, 9:58 AM

[photo of a Coke bottle with his name on it]

stop popping up everywhere, jeez.

Wowww!…I don’t kno how in the world this is happening considering my name is so rare lolz

it’s like some kind of miracle right

Yeaaaa…or more likely I’m just totally in your head

no not at all (or all the time)

Well I might (or might not) have the same problem lolz

that sucks (for you but not for me!)

Hhahaha get outta my head! Get outta my head!!!

6/29/15, 2:35 PM

nope. the spell is unbreakable

It’s all good. Maybe it’s better that way

❤️❤ ️❤ ️❤ ️❤ ️

bomb drop – 5 more colleagues resigned.

it’s bonkers around here

That’s crazy!! What’s going on over there?

poor management

I’m just keeping my head down

althouuuuuugh

now is the time to ask for a raise!

If you know you’re worth it then go for it!

I’ll wait till next week

Yea better to wait until the dust clears and assess the situation

right

let them feel the departures.

there’s a company here about to offer me a $40k pay increase to go work there.

6/29/15, 4:58 PM

I’m sorely tempted

That’s a huge increase. You should really consider.

I know right

you need a sugar mama lol

Lolz I don’t think I could ever. I prefer to do the spoiling. Or at the least I have to pull my own weight

GOOD. right answer.

I’m old school like that. Chivalry is not dead!!!

that was a test, and you passed with flying colors. I’m successful but I don’t want to have that kind of power dynamic – I want to be “spoiled” with affection, time, attention, praise…I could care less about buying me expensive things.

a bouquet of my favorite flowers is more than special enough.

That’s easy!!! Good thing too coz I ain’t got a lot of money for expensive stuff lolzz

6/29/15, 4:58 PM

inappropriate questions OK?

are

Well I guess. Just how inappropriate?? Lol

did you at some point ███████████████…?

Possibly. I can’t remember. Why?

that was so fucking hot

Lol was that a serious question?

yesssss

never happened before

You’re just remembering this now?

no I’ve been thinking about it but I didn’t know if you remembered

I remembered most of it. It was a wonderful day and night for me

I try not to think about it for obvious reasons now

yeah

imma hush now lol

Believe me I remember the moment we met till the moment we had to say goodbye. I can’t lie..it was hard

exceptionally

I’m prone to inappropriate comments

I can’t say I mind the inappropriate comments. But I think it’s fair that u kno I’m considered to be in a steady relationship now. Not tryin to hide anything from u.

ok got it

I’m so sorry, it won’t happen again

No need to be sorry dear. I just didn’t want any misunderstandings between us.

How are u holding up dear? Your mama left town?

not so hot but on the bright side I’ve only cried 2x today, so things are looking up

Awwww sweetie…hang in there. Things will get better. No need to continue shedding tears

it’s just so much. and I’m asking people left and right for favors like helping me move heavy furniture, making short-term loans and so on. it’s a hundred blows to my pride and my heart all at the same time. if I don’t cry I won’t survive this.

You’re not asking for much. It’s ok to ask for help. The fact that so many are willing to help should tell you that ppl care. You should feel good about that. You’re not alone in all this.

I hate being vulnerable, putting myself out there, asking for help, praying they don’t say no because I can’t lift this furniture or afford to move out without them

Cry and let it all out if you need to. You will get through this. I kno times are tough right now but remember there is light at the end of the tunnel.

It seems you’ve always been vulnerable because you’re so soft. You prob just never thought about it that way

I’m emotionally soft but I handle my business…like, I know how to share empathy and emotions but I have a dark fear of being without. grew up with very little, never going back. but I have $45 in the bank today and it’s killing me. I get paid tonight but Jesus.

Believe it or not I understand exactly how u feel. We are very similar in the way we think. I’ve learned tho that money can always be earned or replaced. But truly believing in yourself and the ppl you love is priceless and will get you through the toughest of times.

I’m not saying it’s gonna be easy but once you get past all the nonsense you will feel more alive and happier than ever. So hang in there. You can do this!

thank you…and thank you for checking in

I was interviewing in NY for jobs but I think I’ll hold off on that for now…lmk if your relationship status changes lol

LOL I think u need less stress now not more

yah true

6/30/15, 7:53 PM

Sanctuary

Is that your new crib?

yessir

yay. whew.

It’s big and nice!

got the keys tonight.

whew.

How many bedrooms is that?

3, and it’s smaller than my house but I don’t even care

Isn’t that more than enough space for u? Lol

and two German shepherds lol

Cats??

and cats

You mind if I ask how much something like that goes for in Dallas?

$1750

That’s like a 2 bedroom apartment in the outer boroughs for us lol A small 2 bedroom

I know right?

this puppy has a jacuzzi tub! I’m inordinately excited about that

You should be. You need to pamper yourself a lil more

all agreements have been made and we will sign off on them tomorrow

such a relief

Yes now go and have yourself a beer. Everything’s gonna be ok

in process, almost there

That’s looking real clean and simple

So you wanna kno what an incredibly small world we are in?

please!

Guess where I was at last night with a million dollar view

ummmmm

my hotel?

Yesssss. ███████████████ rooftop bar.

wow

Turns out my gal pal and her friends are regulars there. They’re like really close friend with the bartender there I was speechless when she took me there. This is getting way too coincidental and bizarre lol

I always said somehow the universe is messing with me.

hahaha

The first thing I thought about was u when I saw the post office. I said no freaking way that’s where we’re going lol

haha

I thought you’d forgotten about me but no, the universe won’t let you

I told u I would never forget you. The universe just wants to make things a little more complicated. It’s like they’re plotting this whole thing for entertainment value.

It’s just way too much of a coincidence!

I can’t complain about the universe torturing you

I kno dear. You have your own problems. I just thought u might find these current events interesting.

Anyways how are u doing?

busy unpacking

I didn’t mean I want the universe to torture you badly, I just want it to remind you of me. I’m free. free to do what I want. he’s actively doing everything he can to hurt me but mostly I brush it off because after this he can’t hurt me ever again. it’s a beautiful thing.

I’ve got my friend here helping me unpack – she’s amazing. brought a pizza and a gallon of raspberry vodka lol

I don’t understand why he can’t just man up and let things go? It’s mostly his own fault anyway. Is he really that bitter?

A gallon of vodka? That’s insanity for 2 ppl lol.

yup. sucks doesn’t it

sucks to have someone like me decide she’s done with you hahaha

I’m not egotistical or anything

he didn’t even apply for a mortgage loan. he borrowed from his elderly parents’ retirement fund to pay off my note and pay me off. such a fraction of a man.

7/4/15, 11:16 PM

Laughing at your comment not about his loan

hahhahah

no I know hahaha

Forget the loser. Won’t be long now

Maybe he realizes he losing a good thing but his pride won’t let him admit it so he’s bitter

yeah. exactly.

Stupid Asian man!! LOL

also happy Independence Day – I hope you have an amazing holiday- I certainly am. celebrating my independence and small victories like getting the TiVo set up

7/5/15, 3:54 PM

 Thank u! Happy Independence Day to America and more importantly to you! Enjoy!

I went to IKEA today and got a bunch of heavy stuff and I put it in my car all by myself! such a victory! now I have to assemble it hahahaha

That’s great! You see it’s not easy but also not that bad to be independent

I’m so happy.

I’m so glad to know that

7/5/15, 8:53 PM

dessert with my doggy

7/5/15, 9:59 PM

That looks like a pretty good life

we are pretty cozy

█████ I need to ask u to do me a favor.

oh? what do you need?

Well I don’t wanna sound like an asshole here but I think u should stop texting me at all random times.

When u texted me today I was kind of with my gal pal and she kind of got suspicious

ok

I get it

Please don’t think that I don’t want u to txt me.

I just don’t want to have to go through the drama of having to explain and stuff

The more I explain the more guilty I sound.

look. if we are friends I should be able to text you. I promised to be friendly but nothing more. i can’t know when a good time is so that means no time. so…yeah.

I won’t text you anympreb

ha

anymore

I understand why u would feel this way. I’m sorry. I realize I’m being a bit selfish here. It’s because I kno I can’t have it both ways.

I’m not trying to cut ties with you. I’m really sorry. I don’t know what else to say

ok I’ve got to go think about this, I don’t know what to say

part of me wants to delete your number but I can’t.

have a good evening.

I really didn’t mean to upset you. I feel terrible now. I sincerely apologize. I would not blame you if u deleted my number. But I want u to know that I don’t want to lose u as a friend.

you know what. I’m going to give you some unsolicited advice. if she already mistrusts you there’s a problem.

it’s not like I texted you something awful or suspicious

the problem here is not me.

You’re not the problem. Sighhhh….but she does have a right to ask. The problem here is me. I don’t kno how to answer. Please forgive me

of course she has a right to ask

I always manage to mess things up no matter how much I try not to.

your friend in Dallas is getting divorced and she asks you for advice sometimes

that’s it.

we met online

in another life

I know that’s what I should have said. She didn’t ask me directly. I ignored it and that raised suspicion. Its my fault really. I messed up plain and simple.

it happens

it’s ok though, I won’t let it happen again. I have other friends to reach out to.

I should let you be for a while at least

Please don’t be upset. I’m not blaming you for anything. I screwed things up. But I really do care for you which is why I even bother pleading my case. I told u I’m far from perfect

no it’s my fault for trying to keep in touch so often. I really should let you be. I was so proud of myself, and I wanted to share it, but I shouldn’t have shared it with you. forget it even happened – I forgive you of course.

It’s not your fault. You should be proud of your achievements. In retrospect this whole thing is more my fault than anyone else. I really should have taking a step back.

I’m going to go get ready for work next week…don’t beat yourself up about it…

█████…█████ just please don’t be upset. It was never my intention.

Have a good night and week ahead.

you too