So I found out through the interwebz. I can’t remember or track down exactly how — maybe this Soundtracking post caused him to surface a bit in my feed on Facebook. I discovered that my long lost love was going to be performing in San Jose – but the venue was tiny and mostly sold-out. But he’d be performing in Vancouver. On my birthday.
I’ve wanted to go to his concerts for years, but reading Chinese full of slang and idioms is a struggle, and fan blogs and pages go blossom and fade as people’s tastes change. It’s tough to keep up with someone on another continent, much less a famous someone. I don’t have the concert-finding savvy some of my friends have for English-language acts because my favorite singers’ primary fanbase isn’t English. They come to the US, usually California, maybe once every year or two. My sister (in-law) who lives in California has more on her plate than remembering I want to go see Eason in concert, so I usually hear about his concerts on Facebook or in LA Lollicup shops after the fact.
I’d given up hope of ever seeing him in person, and after that article I was gun-shy.
Now we’re going to the concert, I’ve seluctantly remembered my adoration, and as he (and I age) there’s the knowledge that he won’t tour to the Americas forever. A long-time friend whom I thought I’d never lose touch with has moved back to Mongolia, gotten married, and evaporated from my life. It’s how life is. It’s what happens to people.
This may be my last chance to be in the same room as Eason Chan. Ever. And I’m going to take it. I still love “him” so very much, in a totally non-committal without expectation sort of way.
I’m going to go be the K歌之王 and sing my heart out. I’m afraid to be the not-young lady at a concert in another language. My dear friend Meng-Fai said, “Who knows maybe you will get called on stage for him to wish u happy birthday!”, and while the little girl deep inside is hopping up and down at the very thought (I’D DIE DIE DEAD DEAD DIE HAPPY), there is no way that will happen, because things like that don’t actually happen. The fact that I’ve allowed her to hop at all means I wish it would. And so I’m going to the concert. And Seattle. And Vancouver.
I’ve been listening to his music again because…because. It’s healing. And I have about 30 hours of his music on tap at any moment. I’ve started reading about him again, discovered the rumors about his difficulties and health issues, and I am even happier that we bought the tickets. I just want to see him and that will be enough.
Ｋ歌之王 (King of Karaoke)
I’d thought if I put a lot into what I sing, you’d eventually care for me.
I’d thought that although love has faded, saying hundreds of thousands of words could revive it.
期待你感動 真實的我們難相處 寫詞的讓我 唱出你要的幸福
誰曾經感動 分手的關頭才懂得 離開排行榜 更銘心刻骨
I look forward to your touch; truly, it’s hard for us to get along with each other
So I sang the lyrics to give you happiness. Those who’ve been hurt know it’s forever engraved on your heart and in your bones.
所以我明白 在燈火闌珊處 為什麼會哭
只想你明白 我心甘情願 愛愛愛愛到要吐
* I already knew some people aren’t worth your time, but I know why people cry when the lights are low.
You don’t believe how much happiness marrying me would bring; I’d be perfectly happy to love love love love you till I’m sick. (this is a lot less weird in Chinese somehow, but still excessive and expressive)
愛如潮水 我忘了我是誰 至少還有你哭
That’s a dream life, though, bitterly missing; love swept me under like the tide, made me forget myself. This is my life now, but you, at least, have moved on.
I’ll sing one more song to wish us happiness, and when it’s finished, I’ll move on.
I’ll know from now on how in a crowded room, one person’s heart can be so lonely.
讓我斷了氣 鐵了心愛的過火 一回頭就找到出路
想不到你 若無其事的說 這樣濫情 何苦
I bent down and breathed the fire of love to find a way back to us,
I became a ruthless king of the microphone, conqueror of songs.
You act like there wasn’t ever anything between us — “Why’s he so melodramatic?”
我想來一個吻別 作為結束 想不到你只說我不許哭 不讓我領悟
I thought at I’d least get a kiss goodbye. I just don’t understand why you’d say there’s not even a reason to be sad.