I am so tired lately, and it doesn’t have a whole lot to do with the amount of sleep I am getting, because I got almost 8 hrs last night (my required amount). I think it has to do with the amount of time I am working. Like today. I had class from 10-11, one from 12-1, one from 1:30-3, and then 4:30-7. Think teaching English is easy? Think again.

These students are not students in the traditional sense. Teaching these students is a full-time attention-mongering torture. I dread certain classes where the student is totally enmeshed in a book I have used 40 or 50 times. Or the 2-hour class on Monday morning that I have to fight to remain awake through. Because as an English teacher you are expected to know everything about English. All. Day. Long. There isn’t a lot of down time for reading emails, or chatting with coworkers, bathroom breaks are at whatever RaceTrak or student’s house you happen to be at, and I feel guilty taking class time to go to the bathroom. But it takes me the whole 30 minutes to drive from one location to the next, time I am unpaid for, and so I have become the Master of Speed-Peeing after a class. At certain times of the month this is torture. I have to bring whatever food I want to eat during the day, or whatever drinks I want during the day because there is rarely enough time to stop and get something “on the way”.

At the end of a day like yesterday, with only a 30-minute break in someone’s parking lot between my 10-7:30 class times, my throat hurts, I lose my voice, and my head aches unbearably. Think of it as day-long standup. Giving a presentation for 7 or 8 hours. Having to remember all 20 students’ names, their histories, the books they are using, whatever homework you assigned last time, what days they want to be out. I have most of this in a spreadsheet at home that I print out every week, but every printout has scrawled changes, and I get hurt looks from students if I don’t remember their dog’s name. I am so tired. And I am not paid for time I should be paid for. The injustices keep piling up and I need out. I should be making more money than this by now.

I wish I had been wiser in college. How come, at the most important juncture in your life, college, you are expected to know who you are and what you want to do for the rest of your life? I barely knew who I was, much less who I would be in the next 20 years. I am now being punished for my youthful indecision and ignorance. Silly me.