The only thing I know about cats is their body language. I didn’t know that cats have 3 eyelids, 517 muscles, can run 30 MPH (but I’ve seen it, certainly), and become insomniacs when deprived of tryptophan from milk, eggs, and poultry.

I should start feeding them more chicken so their asses are asleep at 6:45 AM.

I did know, however, that when a cat is lying down with her eyes closed and her tail is flicking slightly at the tip, she’s really awake and spying on you.

We joined Paw Points because we should be getting something besides lots of plastic buckets on our porch for all the poop dust we buy.

But dude. You get 30 points for each barrel of cat litter, and the things I want, like the First Aid Kit, which is probably a bunch of bandaids and gussied-up Neosporin, costs 150 points. That’s the cheapest thing they have.

Then there’s the stuff I will never get, like the Rolling Cat Carrier, a whopping 1000 Points. That’s like the Cash Back Reward Bullshit from credit cards. I would have to finance a house on my Discover card to ever get anything worthwhile from that stupid program.

Now that I do the math, it will take 3 years of cat litter rewards, diligently collected, to get A SINGLE cat carrier. And I have 5 munchkins. A year of collected rewards gets me a free cat litter coupon. I can save up 200 cat points and give $10 to the ASPCA. I would rather make my annual gift donation anyway.

That first aid kit is sounding better all the time.

Maybe I can do an endorsement, like these other cats have:

After my people joined Paw Points™ and started earning points, the first

reward we got was the snuggle sack. Oh, it’s so warm and so snuggly and so

always full of my lazy older brother and his snoring. I just hope we get enough points so I can get my own soon.

“My people”? Lets get in touch with reality, here. Cats don’t think of us as their people. Thy think of us as “the tall blobs that open tuna cans”. well, maybe they’re a little more attached to us than that, but sometimes I wonder.

Eesh, the “cat voice”. Sometimes it’s OK, if it’s funny and not annoying or cloying or icky-sweet. Abbie the Cat types like I think Taylor does, but is also very Kiki-ish. Don’t read it unless you have a cat, though, or it will just be like, “oh…well…she thinks this is funny?”

personlly I don’t care too mcuh for tv anyway

never enough cats on tv and when there are the cats are all boring

or somsoene is throwing a shoe at them

Kiki’s eating our money tree. Slowly but surely. She has, after about 8 months of moneytree ownership, figured out that the back of the TV has great traction, and an even better step so she can belly up to the greenery buffet. So far she has just stripped the bottom branches. I think she figured this out Friday, but Tony says it’s been longer. I don’t think so. I caught the little brat eating on it this morning, and locked up the tree for the day. Now I don’t know what to do. I can’t spray her paws with Teflon so she’d slide off the TV, because…well…I wouldn’t do it to Tay, so I won’t do it to her.

Yet another way our pets eat our money.