Today I made a breakthrough, minor though it was, with one of my younger students, …or maybe I helped her understand something she learned earlier anyway, I’m not sure which. She’s going to first grade in the fall, and we talked about 1 eye, 2 eyes, one cat, two cats…how you add an “s” to make a regular noun plural. She was so proud of herself, she was walking around their apartment pointing at things, making progress, making typical mistakes (“one people, two people!”…”no, honey, it’s one person, two people”…). And as I was walking to my car I thought, “This teaching thing isn’t so bad.”

True, y’all, it’s not bad, and I even kinda like it. But it pays only enough to make the bills, and that kind of subsistence living, the kind of living I have been having since God was a boy, is not the kind of living I strove for when I was a recent college graduate. But then again, when I graduated, I knew my degree wasn’t what I wanted.

I’ve thought of trying to join something like the Starting Over House, a halfway house for women who don’t know what the hell they’re doing, and then I realized that life doesn’t wait for a break in the weather (or, rather, I heard that in a hip-hop song, and it hit me how true that cliché really is). Life is what happens when you’re making other plans. Life is…what you make of it. So what am I making of it? Nommuch, yo, nommuch.

I lay in bed last night not sleeping, thinking about my “dream” of web or graphic design. First, I need to decide which it should be, which is more my dream. I think it’s graphic design to be perfectly honest, with web media as an alternative. But I have few skills, a mishmash of stuff picked up here and there, an independenstrugglele between myself and the rules of CSS and the vagaries of Flash.

My whole education is a mishmash. I am a calico cat of design abilities. I can see something and be inspired and suddenly…poof, redesign my journal website, and be brilliantly proud of it. Or then mess usomethingng I’m working on, hit a roadblock and say WHAT AM I DOING?!? I KNOW NOTHING!!!

Start my own business. Called what? Website? I have one, but I am not going to be ctjie forever. Thank God. How to start a business? What if someone else owns the domain name I want? Why do I think I can make websites for other people if I don’t know what the Hell I am doing for my own anyway?!?

Gotta look into this shit. Or I won’t be able to sleep tonight, either…