I get this email after my students have been dicking with their schedules lately, cancelling classes and suggesting that I move other students’ times for their convenience:

Subj: Classes canalled for the coming summer from May 24 to Aug. 15

You know, too many activates will happen to my family during this summer. We made some adjustment about the whole plan.

Kindly be informed that both K and T need to cancel the English classes for the period from May 24 to Aug. 15 with follow reasons:

- for attend ESL class arranged by the ISD to June 25

- for attend after school program suggested by school teacher from 05/24

- for attend summer camp from June 28 to Aug 4

In addition, our family/friends are scheduled to be with us in Dallas by coming June. T needs to arrange the pick up and their staying to Aug. 15.

Sorry for the short notice and we wish you have a great summer vacation. Will keep you inform for the resume plan later by early Aug.

I get paid by the hour, folks. These people compose more than half of my hours per week. I cannot now pay my bills next month.

Panic is a better word to describe it than anger.

Anger + panic = my feelings right now.

Is it unjust for me to panic? Do I need to look for another damn fucking job instead of working at this one? Should I not resent their actions? Looking at it from my point of view, these people know that I do this for a living. How are my classes so much less important than the ones that the ISD provides?

I resent it because we bent over backwards to arrange this current schedule that we’re on for them. It has followed this pattern for almost a month now, and *poof* we want to cancel everything until AUGUST. I run my ass all over town and run to their houses for makeup times when they’re just too busy with their other stuff (grocery shopping) to have class today. I desperately need the money, so I am not about to refuse a reschedule. They take this far less seriously than they do the regular school. And because they didn’t have to pay it out of their pockets, they don’t give a fuck.

I’m not somehting they value, because their company pays for tuition and books, like their fucking cars and chichi apartments. I saw one of the textbooks we ordered for them being used to hold up their goddamn plasma TV in their bedroom. Valuable, no? When any empty shoebox would work as well. Their income is theirs alone, and none of it goes to me, so they don’t place any worth on my services. I am like a package of fries in the value meal. Who cares if you don’t finish them, they came with the burger. Just throw them out.

I don’t know what the Hell I am talking about. Fuckfuckfuck. Panicpanicpanic. Must talk to Susan tonight!!!!!

This shit always happens to me. Last year I worked for EW for a month doing the private tuition, and all of my students cancelled for the rest of the month. That mneans: NO INCOME ALL MONTH!!!! Duh. And when they came back, they wondered where I was. Well, I was working at FDI, being treated like shit. Fuckfuckfuck.

Am I going to have to do this again???

I need a CIGARETTE!!!!!