The daughter of a friend of mine has lost her boyfriend last weekend, and in the office today, her daughter was there. I was terrified of my athlete’s-foot-of-the-tongue, and tried not to show it, because I didn’t want her to know how slightly uncomfortable I was that she was there. It’s not her fault that shit just flies out of my mouth, and I would have been horrified if I said anything to exacerbate her loss.

I am the sometimes-queen of Oops-Did-I-Say-That-Really? Example: A large group of students of different nationalitles and the instructors at our school were having dinner together and one of the women and I were talking about learning Chinese. She said her husband wanted to have their future kids learn Chinese in case it was important in business, and that her husband wanted to send their children to mainland China for some schooling.

I said, “CHINA?!? No, don’t send them to China. You’ll want to send them to Taiwan or Singapore, but not China,” as if China were the third circle of Hell, or a school of prostitution, or a janitorial institution.

There was silence following this remark, until one of the students across from me said into the void, “Why not?”

I was surrounded by Mainlanders. I had forgotten to take note of this fact before shooting my mouth off, and I had insulted the home country of six different tablemates. All of the Chinese students were sitting near me, and they all heard me clearly, my luck. So I played it off with an innocent smile and an explanation (weak, in my eyes, but apparently sufficient in theirs) that America views China like this and that, and is it like that really? That opening allowed them to expound upon the Virtues of The PRC, and the Great Legacy of Chairman Mao’s educational system.

Now, while I am averse to any child being brainwashed, schoolbooks filled with party nonsense and propaganda, and the general mindset of many Mainlanders, I was here surrounded by my own students. Did I look down on them? No, of course not, I merely look down on their government. But it would be easy to take offense at someone looking down on their government so I pretended to be converted, and hopefully, averted a social disaster.

So you can imagine my fear at having this mouth and being near someone so obviously bereaved. I second-guess everything I say, like when she apologized for not being her usual self, I said, “No problem, I understand…”

Is she thinking, “No you don’t, you bitch, you’ve never lost your boyfriend like this.” Or does she think I don’t know her situation and am blowing it off, and does that offend her, as if she were sick, instead of being in the throes of a life-shattering emotion…? I don’t know, but I am being verrrrry careful. Wish me luck.